Panic Attacks

Following on from my last post I've decided I would talk about my anxiety problems. After I wrote my last tweet I finally built up the courage to tell my friends and to make people aware of the problems I suffer with anxiety and how over the past couple of months I have experienced many panic attacks and anxiety problems.

Yet after I told my friends this, many where unhelpful and thought I was just telling lies to seek attention, even though I have experienced negative views there are a handful of my friends that have been there and do show support.

So I've decided I'm going to talk about what to do when you or someone arounds you is experiencing these problems, because having people show negative attitudes towards you can send you right back into panic mode. But first here is a little bit about it.

On my last post I talked about the current problems I'm facing right now and how this has trigged my anxiety. Resulting in me having lack of sleep and my physical health being impacted greatly. This has trigged my digestive system to temporally shut down, resulting in me having nausea all the time. It also has left me with recurring tonsillitis. So with all these problems it has impacted on my school life leaving me with even more stress.
So my best advice would be if you see someone suffering with these problems is to help them and offer support, not discourage things they say. For I know it takes a lot of courage to admit and tell people about these problems so when someone is shown to be unsupportive this can lead the person into a another attack. I've experienced this, leading me to have five panic attacks in one day. Trust me they aren't a nice thing to go through. It's only made even worse by the uncertainty of when and where these will take place.

When having a panic attack, you feel like your whole world is ending. Even though each panic attack is different here is a bit more information on what I experience, the attacks normally start with a crushing pain on my chest resulting in a struggle to breath and result in an increase in short breaths. This then leads me to have a pounding headache with ringing ears, I then suddenly get a hot flash and then the nausea and dizziness starts to occur. For me these attacks generally take place in the space of 10-20 minutes. I have experienced these in lessons, at home, in the night, in town, on a train and in a car. These occur as your brain begins to think you are in a dangerous situation so your body begins to release adrenalin into your bloodstream causing your blood pressure to drop, and in many cases leading me to faint. I don't really know what triggers these episodes but mainly these are triggered when I become upset or worried. Hense why they are called anxiety attacks.

Ways to control your attacks are to take your self out of the situation and to relax, and breath deeply. (Experienced words from my Therapist) if you see someone having an anxiety attack then help maintain there calmness, if within a group take them away, and help them to breath properly and to cater for there needs.

To be honest if someone does share there problems with you no matter what you think just try and be respectful towards them and don't think that they are lying because it takes a lot of courage to talk about and it only takes one negative comment to shatter that courage and send them into another panic attack!

Suicide and self harming

Everywhere you go there will always be somebody who hates them selves or their lives. Whether they hate their body, their home life, the way they look or the colour of their skin! There will always be people who have doubts or dislikes about themselves, but for some people these dislikes can take over their lives and in some cases lead to suicide!

I'm writing this today for as a normal teenager I do dislike my body for I'm not the perfect size 8, I'm not the prettiest and I do have a hard home life. I suspect most of you reading this think that you understand these feelings, but do you really? These feelings aren't normal ones and have lead me to feel depressed, have anxiety attacks and also self harm! Now before you start judging me, no I am not trying to obtain pitty point, I just want to make people aware of what others go through!

Here is a back story of my life, I have two sisters and a brother, me being the youngest of the clan. When I was four years old my life changed for the worse for my parents decided to separate. This impacted greatly on my sibling and I, for we where seen as the prize. My parents would not be able to stand to be in the same room as each other, birthdays and holidays were ruined by there pity arguments. Resulting in my dad moving to London and us only seeing him once a fortnight, which to a young girl is a long time. I guess I got used to it all as I am too young to remember the times before that, but as I see my friends with a happy family my heart still aches and wonders what life could have been like.

As years went by it all stayed the same, the arguments, the fighting and the screaming. This got even worse when my parents decided to actually divorce 5 years later. As you can image life began to get harder for me!

Except this year everything changed, I moved in with my dad leaving my mum. I fell out with my siblings, my dad and his girlfriend got extremely close and to top it all of I began my GCSE year. This was the year that really lead me to become depressed, I isolated myself form friends, my grades dropped dramatically and I went into a state where I was left with no feelings. I began to experience anxiety attacks which began to occur frequently and became worse. To the point where I would miss school.

You may wonder why this happened, it was due to moving in with my dad, don't get me wrong I love him, but it's tough be in a household where you see your parent for around a maximum of ten minutes a day, when you have to clean and tidy and where you have to cook. This is a rare occurrence in Cambridge, for as I go to a private school the majority of my friends have a stay at home mum, or a cleaner! Both which I don't, so it's hard for me seeing people who don't have to do anything at home and who treat things like shit for they knew someone will always clean up after them. It's ridiculous!

As I began to struggle not only at home by at school, my depression got worse and this lead me to begin to hate myself. I couldn't bare to look in the mirror for I saw myself as obese, I saw myself as ugly and a waste of human life! For arguments with people had lead them to call me ugly, the unwanted child, a mistake of nature, a failure, a bitch, a cunt, a retard, a creatin and the list goes on! So after hearing all these comments again an again I began to believe them, so I began to want to disappear for I believed no one would miss me! I began to start cutting so I could inflict pain on myself, but I also wanted to see if I was cable of feeling pain. This lead me to a state of numbness where I couldn't feel any emotion. I would fake happiness and fake laughter at school for I couldn't bare for people to ask me questions! As the cutting progressed I started to seriously harm myself.

Then one day whilst at my mums, she caught a glance of my arm and instantly knew something was wrong, I still thank my mum for seeing this for I genuinely believe that without her I wouldn't be here to day for the thoughts of suicide crossed my mind hundreds of times a day. I guess I knew that anyday I would end up taking my life into my hands, so I sunconscienely flashed my arm to my mother for I knew that would be the day I stopped !

After that day I began seeking help, I started taking to the nurses at my school, started seeing a therapist and even shared some hard stuff with my friends. Of course I didn't tell them everything so I guess if they read this they will now know all about the self harming, depression and anxiety! But I thank all my family and friend and the help I received for getting me to this place today, for now I have learnt to deal with my depression and anxiety in a healthy way.

So I urge all of you to cherish your family's and friends and to be thoughtful of those who do suffer from anxiety and depressions and those who do self harm. I hope you all benefit from this post for I'm sharing my story for the first time so you know what it can be like, and so if you do suffer you can learn to seek help from others. Or if you see someone struggling you can help and guide them to the right place!

Just help put and end to suicide !

Meeting Mazz, Sam and Louis

So thought I would share one of the beat days this year which happened last week! So most of you will know about YouTube, well three youtubers who are really famous in England decided to do a tour on their bus! Over the course of a month they visited some of the main cities in the uk holding meet ups for all there fans. The three youtubers where Sam Pepper, Mazzi Mazz and Food for Louis.

So on Tuesday last week (the 4th) they came to cambridge my hometown and me and a couple of my friends decided to go.

The meet up was scheduled for 5 o'clock so as a good fan I went and brought a cheesecake, Sam Peppers favourite. So I waited in the freezing cold on Parkers piece a patch of grass in cambridge, and as famous people are they where fashionably late. Once they arrived they where greeted by around 200 screaming girls of cambridge, everyone pushing there way to the front to get picture with them. So after we waited two hours in a que to get our pictures with them It was finally my time so as I was approaching Mazz for a hug and old lady approached Sam, well I should really say lady. She started shouting at Sam for he called her an old lady and as you can guess this didn't go down very well with her, so I was left hugging mazz for around 5 minutes for we were both to scared of the old lady to let go! And yes I do admit I did enjoy it lots!!

After the meet up they held a party on their bus for 20 people so of course me and my friends bagged ourself a place on the bus! Along side me and my friends where a couple of youtubers from a college in cambridge and some other girls. So on the bus we played bus surfing where you all have to stand up and not fall over, left me with quite a few bruises. We then talked with Mazz and Sam, both genuinely really nice people. We stopped at a car park and has a dance off outside now due to me not being able to dance I watched at the sideline, needless to say it was very impressive and funny!
I thoroughly enjoyed that day and my love for Sam, Mazz and Louis has grown even more!

Oh and my face is painted as a tiger for we had a Christmas fair that day and my friends got bored so decided to make me a tiger!!

Best friends

As I grow older I have realised life is made by the friends and family you have, and as young children we will fight and laugh with many different people. So as I mature I realised that only a handful of friends will always be there for you whilst the rest are rather fake friends, meaning popularity isn't everything.

Trust me you can be the most popular person in school yet not have someone to confined in. That is why it's seems better to have two true friends then around 10 fake friends.

Now I have come to a major crossroads in my life, it is choosing which sixth form to go to, for should I stay somewhere I am unhappy but be with my best friend or should I go somewhere better but risk losing my best friend. I know many of you are probably thinking if they where true best friends they would keep in contact no matter what, and that is my dilemma are we both really true best friends or fakes! So as the decision clock tick more and more I see myself slipping away form my best friend for we barely speak and now barely notice each other. For as I have been studying for some exams she has found friends with a girl who brings out all the negative impacts of my best friend, and not only is this impacting on me but on many of my classmates.

So should I tell her she has changed and suffer the risk of falling out  or do I leave it be and act like nothing has happened and let them hurt others. I guess I have to stand up to her and hope everything turns out for the best but am I a horrible person for saying that this other girl brings out the negatives in her, for I would never want to hurt anyone but I think it's safe to say that no matter what happens I think I have will always have my best friend!!

Bastille

So as i'm all cuddled up on the sofa drinking my hot coco and watching christmas films, i thought I would make a post about my favourite band. Bastille, they are an amazing group from south london who formed in 2010. The band consists of Dan Smith, Chris 'Woody' Wood, Will Farquarson and Kyle Simmons. Bastille debuted in June 2011 with their 7" single, Flaws/Icarus (released on Young & Lost Club). This was then followed by their Laura Palmer EP later in 2011. After adding a few more tracks online, the band received a lot of attention, helping secure some support slots. Their song Laura Palmer has to be my favourite by far for it hold so many meanings and is just such a beautiful and fun song.

'The night was all you had, You ran into the night from all you had, Found yourself a path upon the ground, You ran into the night; you can't be found'

There songs are just so different to others i think thats why i prefer them for they are blasted all over every radio and they aren't ruined all the time from dreadful covers. Its like there my secret pleasure that no body knows about i guess thats why it gives me such a thrill listening to them for I feel individual and different and not a sheep. Whilst i do listen to many mainstream songs< Bastille have to be named as my favourite artists for they have so much about them and each song is different they aren't just repeats of each other as many artists songs are. So if you only take one thing out of this make sure it is to listen to Bastille for I bet you if you ask your friends they wont know about them so check out there hit songs and join me at their tour in 2013. 

Little rant over but keep checking back a my blog for more info on my Tee's and for more of my blog posts!!

Ill at Christmas

Feeling under the weather today, so just gonna have a casual day lying in front if the tv watching Christmas films. So if anyone has any good films for me to watch comment below or if you have anything you want me to review or talk about let me know!!

Welcome Roguesters

Welcome to my blog, here is a little information about me. I'm fifteen years old and I live in cambridge, the famous university town! I am currently undertaking my gcses, and yes I will admit now I'm a bit of a maths geek! Sorry! I'm a bubbly creative person who is just obsessed by fashion, for you will always see me in Topshop or online on Urban Outfitters and Asos! I love fashion and I live everything to do it with it so I decided to kill two birds with one stone and set up not only this blog but my new Tee shop called Rouge Tee's, for I always love wearing tees whether they have a cute picture on them or a funny saying, they go well with everything so not only will I post about new fashion and beauty trends but also I will add information about my tee shop as I continue to expand it. If you want more information about me or my tee shop then just email me at RougeTees@hotmail.co.uk! Farewell Roguesters!!